Peggy's Death Domino
by JokeGhost77
Summary: Peggy's ego has gotten too high and she now torments those around her.  But when Death stops at her doorstep he forsees her death in the most epic way possible.
1. Rise and Fall

**No copyright infringement is intended. All material belongs to their respective owners. This is for comedic purposes.**

It was a sunny day, Peggy Hill woke up from her bed and started complaining how terrible she felt. "Uhh the sun is too bright! This bed is too hard! Damn it Hank I wanted the soft mattress!"

She got ready and spent the next morning complaining about her propane obsessed husband, her obese son, and her naïve, light-headed niece. She screamed for hours about how she had to cook, do the laundry, how seemingly intelligent she was and how she deserved a better life. She constantly annoyed Hank and Bobby at the kitchen table.

"Damn it Hank propane food sucks it has no flavor! Hank I'm tired of riding in a big redneck truck! Damn it Hank why does your urethra have to be so narrow! You could have given me a better child! Bobby start listening to me and not your father he's always wrong and you're a horrible child for even following his stupid advice! Bobby why don't you try going outside and playing sports and making some friends once in a while you lazy fatty! I tell you Hank that boy ain't right! And why don't stop working for that smut-loving boss of yours Strickland?

Bobby left the kitchen and ran crying to his room. Then Luanne decided to pay Hank and Peggy a visit so she came into the kitchen.

"Luanne why did you have to drop out of college! You could have done something better with your life than be a lousy hair stylist! Oh and divorce Lucky! He is nothing but a dirty waste of human DNA if he is human!"

Her constant wailing continued for a few days. She complained about every problem with her life she thought she had. Naturally this made everyone else's lives miserable. But then one day her luck started to change.


	2. How to Anger Death

Peggy woke up the next morning and looked at the clock. "9:00 holy crap I'm freaking late! Damn you Hank and your god damn snoring!" Peggy shouted into the air. But all Hank was doing last night was breathing in and out slowly. Peggy stumbled to get dressed for her daily job as a substitute teacher in which she kept mumbling about to herself. "Ahh it's so tedious." Peggy said to herself. "They show absolutely no respect for a professional substitute teacher like me. Day in and day out I have to deal with those snot nose little brats. A professional Spanish teacher like me deserves so much more." Peggy continued to mumble as she poured a cup of coffee for herself. She then started to walk to the door. She was so concentrated on self-absorbency that she didn't notice Ladybird's water bowl near her feet. She slipped on the bowl and spilled the hot coffee on her face. "AAAHHHH!" Peggy screamed on the floor. She tried to get up by grabbing on a kitchen drawer but she pulled it out and it was full of forks and knives. The metal utencils fell onto her face and corrupted her outside looks to match her ugly personality. As she stood up and stumbled over with seering pain in her face her fat ass bumped into the refrigerator and knocked it off balance. She fell over onto her back and managed to clear her eyes of blood to see the refrigerator fall and smash her. She woke up a few minutes later and saw a dark, hooded figure with a scythe writing something on a notepad.

"Uhhh," Peggy attempted to regain her consciousness and vision. "Are you the repairman?" she asked.

"Okay, Peggy Hill. Age: forty even though she looks 10,000. Cause of death: refrigerator. Destination: hell for narcissism, vanity, family abuse, kidnapping, jealousy, theft, terrible fraud, bad behavior, and the list is endless." Then he put the clipboard away and grabbed his scythe. Alright Mrs. Hill let's go." He helped her out of the refrigerator.

"Who are you?" Peggy asked.

"I'm the freakin Queen of cabbageland. What the hell are you smoking I'm Death you dumb broad!" Death retorted.

"What? I'm not dead!" Peggy shouted.

"Yeah about that lady you were crushed by a refrigerator!" Death said pointing at the toppled fridge lying over the pool of blood.

"Then how am I still in my body?" Peggy said.

"That stumps me as well but it's probably cause you thrive on an incredibly stubborn and manly will," Death said. "But it's probably because I haven't dragged you down yet now let's go! and don't try to run away!" Death raised his scythe. The two of them walked out to the front porch.

"Oh come on you can't take me away I'm begging you! I am the most decorated Spanish teacher ever and the boggle champion of Texas! This is an invasion of my sanity I am a proud citizen of Arlen and the smartest person ever! You can't take my freakin' soul!" Peggy said.

"I can and I will you sinful bitch! Now quit nagging!" Death turned around and said. But despite this Peggy continued to nag as the two of them walked out to the street.

"And furthermore I-" Peggy tried to say.

"Okay that's it!" Death raised his scythe at her. "Let's how you nag without a head!" Then he heard the horn of an incoming car and turned his head to see the flashing lights. "What the…" And the car ran him over. "Aaahhhh!" Death screamed as he flipped through the air and hit the pavement. On the ground he raised his fist and shouted at the driver in the car. "Hey nice driving jackass! Who gave you driver's liscense your mom? Damn what the hell is wrong with you! That's it after I'm done with this broad you're next!" Death continued to shout out insults and then he tried to get up. "Hey why does my leg feel so numb?" He lifted up his cloak to see his left leg was gone and still in the grill of the car. "Ahh my leg! Damn it that driver's is so going down! Hey help me up you dumb broad!" Peggy just smiled and ran away for her chance of life. "Oh yeah just run away do help me up or anything! Yeah you know I could've actually vouched for you to get you up into purgatory but forget it! Your sorry soul is definitely going to hell now right after I get my leg back." Death stood up using his scythe as a walking stick and pursued the driver.

Peggy ran away happily knowing that she had now cheated death which added more to ego. "Holy god I just cheated death I am the strongest woman ever!" But then she succumbed to her wounds from her earlier accidents. "I need to get to a hospital now."


	3. Peggy's Demise

Peggy attempted to get back to her garage to get into her car. She crossed the street but got ran over by a car. Now with the reaper incapacitated the rules of death do not apply but she still feels pain. "Owww," Peggy grunted. "Peggy Hill you are invincible now," she ironically said as she limped across the street. She fell down and nearly passed out and saw Nancy's house right ahead. "Uh, maybe I can get some help from Nancy," she said to herself. She used her strength to limp to their front yard. Dale was inside his house and then he looked out the window. He saw a maimed and disfigured Peggy but he didn't recognize her. He just grabbed a shotgun and headed outside.

"Aaahhhhh! The aliens have finally come to abduct me and steal my extensive knowledge and alien urine stay back you slimy leedleleedles!" Dale screamed as he shot Peggy with the shotgun and blasted her off her feet. He moved in closer. "If you come in peace just tell me. Surely you can speak English with your advanced alien mind communicator." Peggy grunted. "Aaaahhhhh! Dale screamed and shot Peggy again. He then dropped the shotgun and ran back to his house shouting. "Quick Nancy get Joseph we have T-minus 3 hours to get to Cambodia now!"

Peggy crawled away to her house. Ladybird and Doggie were outside playing when they saw Peggy. They did not recognize her so by instinct they attacked her. "Aahhhh! Peggy screamed continuously as the two dogs jumped onto her and bit her everywhere. Then as she lay flat on the ground face down, they walked away. "This is terrible," she thought to herself. Then a skunk came over and sprayed her and mauled her face. She managed to tear its claws and get into her car and start it up but neglected to do anything else. She backed her car out of the driveway and into the street and drove out of the alleys. The blood all over her face was blurring her vision so she wiped it off but lost control of the car and crashed into a car parked onto the street and her face smashed into the windshield. "Aww damn seatbelts Owww!" Peggy scrambled to try and put it on but a high speed taxi slammed into the back of her car and sent her flying out of the front window and into a street dumpster. She awoke and peered out of the dumpster and heard a beeping sound. "Oh what the hell is going o-," and a garbage truck picked up the dumpster with Peggy in it and emptied her into its load burying Peggy in garbage.

2 hours later Peggy was dumped into the city landfill. She woke up in a pile of leftover food, paper, and dog feces. "Ahh can this day get any worse?" Saying that (and tempting fate), a man with a flamethrower came over.

"Remember buddy you get $50 for everything you burn so go nuts," said the employer.

"Alright this I can do!" said the flamethrower guy. He went trigger happy with his flamethrower incinerating all the garbage and Peggy for about 2 hours. He then walked away to the other parts of the landfill. Peggy lay there charred and barely stood up.

She ran out of the dump and onto a barren grass field. The horizon started to darken and thunder roared over the hills. "Death must still be trying to get his leg, Peggy Hill isn't out yet. HO YE-" and a large lightning bolt shocked Peggy. She fell down on the ground and started to roll down the hill crashing into rocks and trees down the way. As she regained consciousness while still being pulled down the long hill by gravity, a rock slammed into her face and knocked her unconscious again. She woke up a few minutes later to find that the storm had cleared and she was a few feet away from a steep valley chasm. "Woah" Peggy said as she took a few steps back. She then noticed her shoe was untied and bent down to tie it. Suddenly a ram with a large set of horns saw Peggy and charged at her. Peggy heard galloping and turned around and the animal rammed her into the valley. On the way down, Peggy constantly crashed into more rocks and trees and a cactus. "Owww ohh" she said as the thorns were all over her. She then landed hard onto a rocky platform that led into a cave entrance. She brought her face up and saw no one in site. She then heard a faint beeping noise next to her and look over to see a pile of dynamite.

"Ok men today we will make history as we finally discover Sir Carlos's hidden gold stash in Arlen," said one of the historians at the bottom of the valley. "Now everyone has evacuated the area right?"

"Yes we are all at the minimum safe distance," said an assistant.

"Alright let's do this!" said the historian as he pressed the button on his detonator blowing up the TNT and sending Peggy flying and screaming out of the gorge.

"AAAHHHHHHH!" Peggy yelled as she soared through the air.

"Hey did you hear something?" the historian asked his assistant.

"No sir," he answered.

Peggy was charred from the blast but still alive. She barely managed to stand up. "Uh-uh am I still alive?" She walked a few paces but was knocked off her feet by a nearby rumble. Just then another explosion hit the ground nearby. "Oh man," she said as she ran for her life.

About 100 meters away, a US Army unit were having their war games once again in Arlen.

"Deautrive front and center!" Lt. Hawkes shouted.

"This is Sgt. Barber Bill Deautrive reporting sir!" Bill said as he stood and attention.

"How would you like to fire this howitzer here?" Hawkes said.

"Really I get to participate this year? Alright! Here comes the Bill-dozer!" he said as he got on the howitzer and started to fire. Back out on the field Peggy ran this way and that to avoid the howitzer shells. "Why God Why?" Peggy shouted. Then a blast hit her and she flipped through the air. Then more howitzer shells pelted her and the battle grounds.

"That's a hit! Good shot Deautrive," Cpl. Newell said.

"Why thank you," Bill said.

Peggy was blinded by the flying debris and deafened by the loud bangs.

"Alright men to your tanks!" Lt. Hawkes said.

"Yes sir!" the platoon answered as they got to their tanks and drove out to their battle field.

Peggy awoke soon after and got up to see the incoming tanks. "Crap!" she screamed as she ran everywhere to avoid the tank blasts.

"Hey what's that thing over there?" Cpl. Newell said.

"It doesn't look like a target," Bill said.

"Then it must be a zombie!" Cpl. Newell said. "It's time for the zombie invasion! Fire Dautrive!"

Bill fired the cannon and got a direct hit on Peggy.

"Ahh I gotta get outta here!" she stated. Just then another tank started to chase her. She ran for it. Then she tripped over a small rock and the tank ran her over. The men inside could hear a very small thump.

"Hold on there's another target that way back up!" Lt. Hawkes said. The tank that ran over Peggy backed up over her.

"Uhhh," Peggy got up and ran off the field. "I'll never get to the hospital and Death will soon get me again, I should just lay down and finally accept it." But then she further remembered who she was. "No, I am Peggy Hill and nothing can stop Peggy Hill!" And when she said that she got hit by a truck and stuck to its front grill like a roadkill bird.

The truck took her to the Larson pork factory. The workers came over to unpack the meat brought the open crates out. Peggy slid off the grill and into the crates. She was mistaken for a hunk of meat and thrown onto the conveyer belt. After that she headed through the electric killer, and all the processing machine (unimaginable grotesque things are happening so we will keep this censored). After that Peggy came out as the ugliest sausage ever and Death walked into the factory.

"Well it took a while but I finally got my leg and now you are mine Peggy Hi-," he said as he stared at what used to be Peggy Hill. "Wow you're more trouble than that fat guy."

Peggy Hill woke up in a hospital room. "Uh where am I?" she asked.

"Oh you're in hell," the doctor said.

"What?" Peggy answered. The doctor took off his costume and was revealed to be Death.

"Haha prepare to face eternity bitch!" Death said. He snapped his fingers and dropped Peggy into a pit of lava.

Back on Earth. Hank was watching the news when he saw Peggy's death. "We are now at the scene at one of the most gruesome deaths in Arlen's history. Remains of 40 year old Peggy Hill were found at the Larson's Pork factory. Workers recognized the horribly disfigured sausage here and DNA tests are positive it is Peggy Hill. More news at 11."

Hank turned off the TV and called Bobby and Ladybird to the living room. "Bobby, Peggy's dead."

"Ok," Bobby said with no remorse.

"Bobby, we're free," Hank said as he, Bobby, and Ladybird walked out of their house into the sunset to enjoy their newfound future.

**A/N: Again no copyright infringement intended. This story is for comedic purposes and was written in part by annoyingPOWmarine. For those of you who like Peggy Hill I am sorry but we felt her self-absorbed nature and unnecessary sense of pride made her a total b*****.**


	4. Epilogue

3 years later, Hank married a famous movie actress and made millions of dollars. He fulfilled his dream of giving propane to the world and he is currently living in luxury for the rest of his life. Bill made up with his ex-wife Lenore and they had seven kids. He also got back into perfect military fitness and is now kicking terrorist ass as a Captain in the US Army. Bobby got back together with Connie and lost all of his body fat and is now one of the top students at Arlen High currently working to become a pro-baseball player. Cotton got together with all of his war buddies and hijacked the biggest weapon dump east of Arlen to celebrate the anniversary of Peggy's demise. He also respects Hank much more now as a son more getting rid of Peggy. Death is more aggressive with harvesting living souls after dealing with Peggy and playing Mortal Kombat for hours. Dale stays holed up in his treehouse filled with weapons and supplies awaiting the alien invasion to this very day.


End file.
